[ His eyes linger on Eikichi as he pulls off the torn clothing, touched by his offer. Some might consider Eikichi self-centered, but what Junpei sees is a guy who is willing to take great steps to care for a friend over taking care of himself. He shakes his head, repeating words he's said in the past. This time they mean so much more, though. ]
Just being here for me as a friend, it's enough, Eikichi. Seriously.
[ He shifts to get comfortable on the bed, adjusting Jackson to sit up on his chest. ]
I promise I'm still gonna be here when you get out. So you don't gotta rush. Let me know if you need help in there, though.
[ He tosses out that last part as a partial tease. .....of course, if Eikichi were so inclined, Junpei would be there, no questions asked. ]
[He stops to laugh awkwardly as he stands by the door opening and leans against it. At least most of the annoyance he felt evaporates in an instant.]
Thanks bro, but I'm not fifty yet, I'm good.
[He'll close the door after that, not realizing that maybe that comment would come to haunt him later. And will give Junpei a good twenty or so minutes for him to think about life, the universe and everything.]
Junpei keeps his smile until Eikichi has disappeared and then it all crumbles again as he gets a moment alone. He gets up from where he's seated and makes his way to the discarded shirt, lifting it and hugging it close to his chest. Is it wise to be around Eikichi right now? Junpei's not so sure he can trust himself to respect boundaries when he's feeling so lost, alone and vulnerable. There's a self-destructive part of him that wants to open that bathroom door, step under that water and kiss Eikichi until both of them couldn't breathe -- to live in the moment like tomorrow will never come. Because there's a chance it won't.
But then. Miyabi.
Junpei draws the shirt back, thumbing the torn sleeve. He can feel the heft of that notebook Eikichi usually keeps on him somewhere in one of the pockets. The one that's surely full of Miyabi pictures. The girl who waits for him back home. Even with a remade world, Junpei imagines they'll still find each other. Like a great love story. In the unlikely scenario Eikichi did have feelings for Junpei, theirs is bound for a tragic path. It would be foolish to initiate anything knowing it will only hurt them both in the end.
He flings the shirt back onto the bed with a sigh and then falls back, arms outstretched. The notebook had fallen out of the pocket and Junpei tilts his head toward it. Maybe he needs the reminder of what Miyabi looked like. Maybe that will quash this stupid part of him that wants to do something downright reckless just to feel something other than hurt, fear, grief. Junpei reaches for the notebook and opens it up. ]
[Once Junpei opens it, he will quickly realize that this is not Miyabi's sketchbook, nor is it the sketchbook with everyone's pictures he'd shown him before either.
At first it does seem like a brand new general sketchbook, the title "Portraits #2" written in fancy kanji before leading to the first page of small drawings of other fae-napped that Eikichi had been drawing right before the castle had gone haywire. It continues in that same manner for a few more pages; friends and fae with at least one drawing of Junpei mixed in each page, if he pays close attention.
Then...nothing but a scribble as if he'd been trying to vent his frustration followed by an almost blank page that is half-torn and covered in charcoal fingers. Next to it, a list of locations hastily written in misspelled, panicked handwriting, no doubt due to being in a hurry to write them down. Two-third of them had a check-mark. 'Forest left upper area' was the last area that had been checked off, with 'Forest right upper area' being next.
It didn't take a genius to figure out these are locations Eikichi had been looking for him. He could have marked them in his leaf, but that could been followed by the fae. It felt like Eikichi was doing this in secret, perhaps even from the other Persona users.
Some of the charcoal of the notes had bleed over to the fingerprint-covered page, perhaps cluing him that there was something on the other side that had taken some effort to draw. And if he did turn that page, Junpei would find a sketch of himself that might be eerily close to how Chidori had drawn him, only in a smaller format and with clothing from this world. Perhaps the cleanest page of the entire sketchbook as the pages that follow are more charcoal drawings, but only of him. These hastily drawn artworks look like they might have come from a few times they'd taken leaf photos together coupled with Eikichi's own artistic interpretations of him like he'd been trying to draw from memory. Scribbled on one page;
[ When he first opens it and sees it's not the book he'd flipped through before, Junpei wonders if maybe he should stop looking at it. Not that he thinks Eikichi would mind him looking at his drawings because he'd allowed him to before, but this is clearly something new. It's only when he sees the first drawing of him mixed in there among the other Fae-napped that he pauses, his breath catching. Why wouldn't Eikichi draw him? He was sketching others here, so Junpei (as his friend) wasn't immune to being a muse. Even so, he feels a pang and quickly turns from it to see his other drawings.
But then he gets to the other half. The locations. Each marked off. It hurts. It hurts seeing this visual proof of Eikichi's search for him. It hurts to know that while Eikichi had looked, Junpei was off living a life with no memory of him. The next flip of the page causes his heart to drop. It's so similar -- so eerily similar to Chidori's drawing. Junpei's likeness perfectly captured in charcoal. He stares at it until it blurs through a sheen of tears and he uses his sleeve to try and wipe them away -- to turn the page and go through image after image of him. And by the time he gets to the blank pages, Junpei can't keep his tears from spilling. A few shamefully drop onto the paper, soaking through before he can try and dab it away.
Grief is one of those things that comes in waves. Just when Junpei thinks he's able to put himself back together, he'll be hit with a reminder of Chidori and begin to cry all over again. This pain is especially acute because not only is it grief over Chidori, but grief over the loss of Eikichi as well. What was it Eikichi had said that one time? The little poem. The one that ended with:
Worse than dead...forgotten.
Junpei hadn't fully grasped it when he recited it in the library. But now he knows. He knows the full weight of truth behind those words. He brings the notebook to his chest and the tears won't stop. He brings his knees up, arms wrapping them with the notebook still pinned close to his heart as he weeps. 'Don't forget him either,' Eikichi had written. But he's going to anyway. This whole thing might as well not even exist. There will be no mark on each others lives.
And Junpei doesn't know how to grapple with that. ]
[He might hear, amidst that pain, Eikichi sneezing and coughing a few times. Now that he's seen Junpei, the sleepiness is catching up to him rather quickly, and the sound of the shower drowns out any crying he might have heard. It is far quicker than his typical ones, as he realizes he'd not going anywhere for the next few hours. As he gets out and looks in the mirror, he realizes that even putting on lipstick would feel like a chore.]
Yeah...fuck this for now.
[He's drained, emotionally from talking about his own fights and seeing Junpei, and psychically from fighting forests creatures. When he steps out, he isn't wearing the clothing he went in with to put on, or any of his jewellery despite it being just the afternoon. Just a pair of underwear as Eikichi tosses everything else on his mattress' base frame. When he looks at Junpei, it's far more clear that he looks extremely tired and isn't quite fully there anymore. If this was a video game, his HP would be at 1 and his SP at 0.
He puts a hand on Junpei's shoulder to smile at him. If he sees what he's holding, or he's just on autopilot, it's hard to tell. Even he wouldn't remember much after he got out of the shower.]
Don't worry bro, everything going to be just fiiiii--
[As he plops on one of the beds on the floor to, in theory, sit to try to talk with Junpei, an urge to stretch his arms overcomes him. All the stress he had pent up just dissipates instantly as his entire figure leans and falls, as sleep overtakes him. Eikichi, who is usually so meticulous about how he sleeps (in this world anyway) is in a position where he's sleeping on the wrong side of the bed, his pillow resting at his feet. He'll be fine in a few hours.]
[ Junpei tries to compose himself when he hears the water turn off. He quickly tosses the notebook with Eikichi's torn shirt and wipes his eyes, sniffling all the while. They're all red and puffy, so it won't be any secret he'd been crying if Eikichi were to look at him. Fortunately for Junpei's pride, Eikichi comes out shambling like a dead man walking and it's clear exhaustion has taken its toll. He barely gets to sit on the bed before he's collapsing into sleep -- and oddly, it gives Junpei this warm sort of feeling. Eikichi had spent all that time looking for him, and now that Junpei's back, Eikichi can rest. He can let down his guard and feel at ease in Junpei's company.
Looking at Eikichi and seeing he's basically out like a light, Junpei moves from his spot in order to take the pillow and put it under Eikichi's head properly -- as well as draw those blankets up around him. He goes to collect Eikichi's clothes and at least fold them and put them out of the way, knowing how Eikichi likes things neat even though Junpei is not necessarily a neat person by nature. But this is the least he can do for him after Eikichi spent a week and a half tirelessly searching for him. He pauses and then goes to collect that notebook again, opening it to Eikichi's desperate checklist. Junpei writes down the dorm number and also Found next to it. Then underneath, he writes a little note: If I'm ever lost again, this is where you'll find me.
He tucks the notebook away, puts the charcoal back, and then turns to Eikichi. Junpei allows himself to be indulgent. Things had been very shitty for the past month. And they continue to be shitty even here. So he will take this one nice thing for himself, stripping to his boxers and climbing into bed with Eikichi -- tucking himself beneath one of those outstretched arms so he could wrap his own arm around Eikichi's midsection and curl against him. Just for tonight. Just let Junpei have this for tonight. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Just being here for me as a friend, it's enough, Eikichi. Seriously.
[ He shifts to get comfortable on the bed, adjusting Jackson to sit up on his chest. ]
I promise I'm still gonna be here when you get out. So you don't gotta rush. Let me know if you need help in there, though.
[ He tosses out that last part as a partial tease. .....of course, if Eikichi were so inclined, Junpei would be there, no questions asked. ]
no subject
Thanks bro, but I'm not fifty yet, I'm good.
[He'll close the door after that, not realizing that maybe that comment would come to haunt him later. And will give Junpei a good twenty or so minutes for him to think about life, the universe and everything.]
no subject
Junpei keeps his smile until Eikichi has disappeared and then it all crumbles again as he gets a moment alone. He gets up from where he's seated and makes his way to the discarded shirt, lifting it and hugging it close to his chest. Is it wise to be around Eikichi right now? Junpei's not so sure he can trust himself to respect boundaries when he's feeling so lost, alone and vulnerable. There's a self-destructive part of him that wants to open that bathroom door, step under that water and kiss Eikichi until both of them couldn't breathe -- to live in the moment like tomorrow will never come. Because there's a chance it won't.
But then. Miyabi.
Junpei draws the shirt back, thumbing the torn sleeve. He can feel the heft of that notebook Eikichi usually keeps on him somewhere in one of the pockets. The one that's surely full of Miyabi pictures. The girl who waits for him back home. Even with a remade world, Junpei imagines they'll still find each other. Like a great love story. In the unlikely scenario Eikichi did have feelings for Junpei, theirs is bound for a tragic path. It would be foolish to initiate anything knowing it will only hurt them both in the end.
He flings the shirt back onto the bed with a sigh and then falls back, arms outstretched. The notebook had fallen out of the pocket and Junpei tilts his head toward it. Maybe he needs the reminder of what Miyabi looked like. Maybe that will quash this stupid part of him that wants to do something downright reckless just to feel something other than hurt, fear, grief. Junpei reaches for the notebook and opens it up. ]
no subject
At first it does seem like a brand new general sketchbook, the title "Portraits #2" written in fancy kanji before leading to the first page of small drawings of other fae-napped that Eikichi had been drawing right before the castle had gone haywire. It continues in that same manner for a few more pages; friends and fae with at least one drawing of Junpei mixed in each page, if he pays close attention.
Then...nothing but a scribble as if he'd been trying to vent his frustration followed by an almost blank page that is half-torn and covered in charcoal fingers. Next to it, a list of locations hastily written in misspelled, panicked handwriting, no doubt due to being in a hurry to write them down. Two-third of them had a check-mark. 'Forest left upper area' was the last area that had been checked off, with 'Forest right upper area' being next.
It didn't take a genius to figure out these are locations Eikichi had been looking for him. He could have marked them in his leaf, but that could been followed by the fae. It felt like Eikichi was doing this in secret, perhaps even from the other Persona users.
Some of the charcoal of the notes had bleed over to the fingerprint-covered page, perhaps cluing him that there was something on the other side that had taken some effort to draw. And if he did turn that page, Junpei would find a sketch of himself that might be eerily close to how Chidori had drawn him, only in a smaller format and with clothing from this world. Perhaps the cleanest page of the entire sketchbook as the pages that follow are more charcoal drawings, but only of him. These hastily drawn artworks look like they might have come from a few times they'd taken leaf photos together coupled with Eikichi's own artistic interpretations of him like he'd been trying to draw from memory. Scribbled on one page;
Don't forget him either.
Before the drawings stop a few page after.]
no subject
But then he gets to the other half. The locations. Each marked off. It hurts. It hurts seeing this visual proof of Eikichi's search for him. It hurts to know that while Eikichi had looked, Junpei was off living a life with no memory of him. The next flip of the page causes his heart to drop. It's so similar -- so eerily similar to Chidori's drawing. Junpei's likeness perfectly captured in charcoal. He stares at it until it blurs through a sheen of tears and he uses his sleeve to try and wipe them away -- to turn the page and go through image after image of him. And by the time he gets to the blank pages, Junpei can't keep his tears from spilling. A few shamefully drop onto the paper, soaking through before he can try and dab it away.
Grief is one of those things that comes in waves. Just when Junpei thinks he's able to put himself back together, he'll be hit with a reminder of Chidori and begin to cry all over again. This pain is especially acute because not only is it grief over Chidori, but grief over the loss of Eikichi as well. What was it Eikichi had said that one time? The little poem. The one that ended with:
Worse than dead...forgotten.
Junpei hadn't fully grasped it when he recited it in the library. But now he knows. He knows the full weight of truth behind those words. He brings the notebook to his chest and the tears won't stop. He brings his knees up, arms wrapping them with the notebook still pinned close to his heart as he weeps. 'Don't forget him either,' Eikichi had written. But he's going to anyway. This whole thing might as well not even exist. There will be no mark on each others lives.
And Junpei doesn't know how to grapple with that. ]
no subject
Yeah...fuck this for now.
[He's drained, emotionally from talking about his own fights and seeing Junpei, and psychically from fighting forests creatures. When he steps out, he isn't wearing the clothing he went in with to put on, or any of his jewellery despite it being just the afternoon. Just a pair of underwear as Eikichi tosses everything else on his mattress' base frame. When he looks at Junpei, it's far more clear that he looks extremely tired and isn't quite fully there anymore. If this was a video game, his HP would be at 1 and his SP at 0.
He puts a hand on Junpei's shoulder to smile at him. If he sees what he's holding, or he's just on autopilot, it's hard to tell. Even he wouldn't remember much after he got out of the shower.]
Don't worry bro, everything going to be just fiiiii--
[As he plops on one of the beds on the floor to, in theory, sit to try to talk with Junpei, an urge to stretch his arms overcomes him. All the stress he had pent up just dissipates instantly as his entire figure leans and falls, as sleep overtakes him. Eikichi, who is usually so meticulous about how he sleeps (in this world anyway) is in a position where he's sleeping on the wrong side of the bed, his pillow resting at his feet. He'll be fine in a few hours.]
no subject
Looking at Eikichi and seeing he's basically out like a light, Junpei moves from his spot in order to take the pillow and put it under Eikichi's head properly -- as well as draw those blankets up around him. He goes to collect Eikichi's clothes and at least fold them and put them out of the way, knowing how Eikichi likes things neat even though Junpei is not necessarily a neat person by nature. But this is the least he can do for him after Eikichi spent a week and a half tirelessly searching for him. He pauses and then goes to collect that notebook again, opening it to Eikichi's desperate checklist. Junpei writes down the dorm number and also Found next to it. Then underneath, he writes a little note: If I'm ever lost again, this is where you'll find me.
He tucks the notebook away, puts the charcoal back, and then turns to Eikichi. Junpei allows himself to be indulgent. Things had been very shitty for the past month. And they continue to be shitty even here. So he will take this one nice thing for himself, stripping to his boxers and climbing into bed with Eikichi -- tucking himself beneath one of those outstretched arms so he could wrap his own arm around Eikichi's midsection and curl against him. Just for tonight. Just let Junpei have this for tonight. ]